Rupert and Deadpan dropped out of school after the eighth grade. They’re part of the 50 percent who leave high school and never graduate.

Back to our story. These guys are not rocket scientists or even brain surgeons. They’re poorly trained and undisciplined young men who are the core of our jail system.

Somehow, they’ve obtained a flashing blue light which plugs into the cigarette lighter, making a silver reflector rotate around a light bulb under a blue dome. They’re certain the light will make them look like cops. Fat chance.

They spot a beat-up looking Chevy and pull it over. Now they’re giggling — absolutely pleased with their progress in law enforcement — so far.

Rupert steps up to the driver’s side and Deadpan goes to the passenger side. They flash their driver’s licenses at the two men in the car and announce: "Police officers — step out of the car!"

So quickly do the two men hop out of their car that the opening doors nearly knock down the would-be cops. The men in the Chevy are narcs — undercover cops.

You can almost see our guys running back and leaping into their car and spinning wheels at take-off. The narcs, using a real blue light, a real siren, and a real police radio to call for backup, fall into hot pursuit.

The boys, not very good at this kind of escape driving, soon maneuver themselves into a roadside ditch. The narcs are only moments behind them with the wail of multiple police patrol cars arriving as backup.

In short order, Rupert and Deadpan are stretched out on the ground where they are handcuffed, then led back to patrol car cage units.

Rupert and Deadpan are booked into the county jail where each is charged with unlawful possession of a blue light; impersonating a police officer; fleeing and eluding police; and possession of cocaine (found in the glove box).

Most prisons now have literacy training. What do you suppose are Rupert’s and Deadpan’s chances of successful rehabilitation? You don’t have to answer that.