It’s a hot summer night and Lucius is having beer and playing darts at a local tavern. The owner finally tells Lucius to leave because his darts aren’t hitting the dart board, but they have stuck two customers. Ouch!

Now, Lucius is out driving around, too drunk to drive, and too drunk to walk. He ends up on a country road where he spots a farmhouse that looks interesting.

He drives up near the house, throws a brick through the picture window and climbs inside the house. Anything that looks interesting to Lucius ends up in a pile on a sheet on the bedroom floor. He drags his loot out into the kitchen. Lucius is perspiring heavily. Burglary is labor intensive. He takes off his shirt and hangs it on the back of a chair at the kitchen table, then turns to the refrigerator. There’s a leftover roast and plenty of cold cuts for making sandwiches. There’re also six cans of beer.

After a late night supper, Lucius takes a few bottles of beer out of the frig, then falls asleep on the sofa. Soon he’s awakened by headlights.

Lucius scampers out the broken picture window and makes his way to his car, just as the couple walks in the kitchen door to find their messy house. The burglar makes his getaway before the couple can copy down his tag number.

The couple apologizes to the deputies because they don’t have any information to offer. The deputies look around the house and ask the couple to make up a list of anything missing. The pile of loot remains on the kitchen floor, indicating the burglar left in a hurry.

One deputy asks the man, "Is this your shirt?" as he points to the shirt hung over the back of a kitchen chair.

"Not mine," says the man.

The deputy reaches into the shirt pocket with two fingers and pulls out a driver’s license — Lucius’s driver’s license.